You Might Be a Bad Cook If...

Your microwave display reads "TILT!"

You know dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.

Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.

Leftover crumbs make a great replacement for kitty litter.

Your kids know what exactly peas porridge in a crock pot nine days old tastes like.

If the EPA requires that all your garbage cans be marked with large bright red "biohazard" symbols.

The smoke alarm beeps if you even walk near the stove.

Your apple pie bubbled over and ate the enamel off the bottom of the oven.

You used three boxes of scouring pads, a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, but that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan!

You look in a cookbook to find out how to boil water.

You call your mother to ask how long to boil cabbage to make cole slaw.

If anyone has ever broken a tooth while eating your homemade yogurt.